The magic of rituals

Welcome to Beyond Stability, where psychiatrist, social scientist and humanitarian adviser Dr. Suzan Song shares reflections about how we think, decide, and partner during uncertain times to find a sense of groundedness and joy.

Today is the day of my book launch, and while excited, I’m also thinking about how I wish I could celebrate this day with my father. He died after an assault at our liquor store when I was a child and I didn’t have a narrative of what happened. There was a life before he passed, which seems to carry as much weight as the life after.

I didn’t know then that I would spend much of my life studying what happens to people in that “after.” This book is, in many ways, my attempt to understand the space after major ruptures in life.

Losing a parent during childhood does a strange thing: there are no new memories to lay down, no opportunities for talks or shifts to repair. I’m stuck with over-exposed photos and can only fine-tune the same handful of experiences with him.

For those who have lost a loved one, you know what it’s like when your reality stalls. When their absence in the world is deafeningly loud. There’s a primal sense of injustice deep in the bones: This can’t be. 

But then you’re forced with the difficult task of continuing. While my father is no longer present, my relationship with him still evolves over time. It’s made me wonder, how do we reenter a world that seems permanently changed? 

Around the world, cultures have always understood something we forget in high-performing, hyper-rational spaces: grief and transition need structure. This is where the power of rituals is clear.

Rituals aren’t relics of superstition or saved for monks or mystics. They’re woven into ordinary life—family dinners, holiday traditions, lucky undies before a big pitch, the quiet gestures that mark beginnings and endings. At any given moment, somewhere in the world, someone is bowing, lighting a candle, saying a prayer, raising a glass, or celebrating as they cross a threshold.

Although rituals show up at the edges of life, with births, deaths, weddings, and graduations, they matter just as much in the quieter ruptures: a divorce, a failed deal, a move across the country, a role that didn’t materialize. They give shape to overwhelm, as an emotional scaffolding. 

In one study by Michael Norton and Francesca Gino, people who lost a $200 lottery and then performed a simple ritual (draw their feelings, sprinkle salt, tear the page, count to ten) reported less grief and more perceived control than those who did nothing. The actions were arbitrary, but the effect was not. Doing something intentional, even symbolic, shifts us from rumination to agency.

Most of our internal instability comes from the gap between how we wish things would be and how they are. Belief alone doesn’t close that gap. But practice can—our rituals embody our values, aligning what we believe with action. And the more we enact what we care about, the more those values stop being ideas and start becoming identity.

So, in my daily ritual of wanting to put a peaceful thought into the world, thank you for following some of my work / thoughts and I hope you find a sense of grounding and agency today. 

For more on rituals, check out my book feature on Oprah Daily that was released today.

Why We Suffer and How We Heal (Penguin, 2026), is a narrative exploration of how to find grounding and ease during instability, drawing on science, clinical experience and real-world cases. 

Free Guide on developing your own Three Friends of Winter Circles here

You can find occasional longer reflections, media, and event information at www.suzansong.com

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